Francine: The point is, there was a time when you two weren't always fighting.
Hayley: That was before I knew dad was a gun toting maniac.
Stan: Beatnik.
Hayley: Warmonger.
Stan: Chupacabra.
Hayley: I'm the mexican Bigfoot?
Stan: You heard her. She admitted it.
Frank Barone: What's for brunch, Marie?
Marie Barone: Ham.
Frank Barone: Excellent. I shall put on my ham pants.
Communication Problems (a.k.a. Theft) - S2-E1
Mrs Richards: And another thing. I expect to be able to see the sea.
Basil: [whispering to Manuel.] Deaf, Mad and Blind. [To Mrs Richards.] Yes, this is the view as far as I can remember... Yes, yes it is.
Mrs Richards: When I pay for a view, I expect something more interesting than that.
Basil: But that is Torquay, madam.
Mrs Richards: Well it's not good enough.
Basil: Well may I ask what you expected to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain...
Mrs Richards: [interrupting.] Don't be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea.
Basil: You CAN see the sea! It's over there between the land and the sky!
Mrs Richards: I'd need a telescope to see that.
Basil: Well might I suggest you move to a hotel closer to the sea. Or preferably in it.
Mrs Richards: Now listen to me. I'm not satisified but I've decided to stay. HOWEVER, I shall expect a deduction.
Basil: Why, because Krakatoa isn't erupting at the moment?
Mrs Richards: Because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible and the radio doesn't work.
Basil: No, the radio works. You don't.
Dying For Pie / Imitation Krabs - S2-E6
Mr. Krabs: What's the most important rule here?
Spongebob: No free napkins?
Mr. Krabs: No, the other most important rule!
Spongebob: Only discuss the secret formula with Mr Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: As long as you do that, the formula is safe.
Squidward: I thought the most important rule was why do today what you can put off for tomorrow?
Mr. Krabs: But what's today, but yesterday's tomorrow?
Squidward: What?
Harry Stone: Who's first, Mac?
Mac: People versus Shibata.
Harry Stone: To what do we owe the pleasure of Mr. Shibata's company?
Dan Fielding: Well, sir, it seems Mr. Shibata was caught rolling for dollars with, um, these three rarely upstanding women.
Harry Stone: All three? That's illegal. And quite impressive.
Dan Fielding: When he was apprehended he had a fifty gallon drum of soy sauce and they were in the middle of something called a "Sukiyaki Slam-bam."
Christine Sullivan: Uh, sir, uh, while neighbors in adjoining rooms did complain for over seven hours I believe that Mr. S...
Mac/Harry/Dan: Seven hours?!
[Mr. Shibata bows to Dan, Harry, and Mac and they bow back]
Dan Fielding: My god, man, how do you do it?
Mr. Shibata: Every day, I swim ten miles, eat one hundred oysters and sit in a barrel of pickle brine.
Dan Fielding: [to stenographer] You got that?
[Stenographer nods].
My Problem With Popplers (a.k.a. The Problem With Popplers) - S2-E18
Fry/Bender: Pop a Poppler in your mouth, When you come to Fishy Joe's, What they're made of is a mystery, Where they come from, no one knows. You can pick 'em, you can lick 'em, You can chew 'em, you can stick 'em, And if you promise not to sue us, You can shove one up your nose.
Plan B: Corporal Punishment - S4-E2
Blackadder: I remember Massingbird's most famous case - the Case of the Bloody Knife. A man was found next to a murdered body. He had the knife in his hand, thirteen witnesses had seen him stab the victim and when the police arrived he said 'I'm glad I killed the bastard.' Massingbird not only got him off, he got hom knighted in the New Year's Honours list, and the relatives of the victim had to pay to get the blood washed out of his jacket.
Tree House of Horror X - S11-E4
[The Simpsons are driving down a road as fast as possible.]
Homer: Dear God, it's Homer. If you really love me you'll save my life now.
[The gas needle immediately drops to empty and the car stops.]
Homer: D'oh.
Modern Men - S8-E2
Uncle Albert: Is that the radio I hear, Rodney?
Rodney: No, Elton John popped in and he's rehearsing in the kitchen!
Hard Times - S1-E3
Crowley: That unicorn's gonna make a run for it! Oh, it's too late. It's too late! Ah, you've still got one of them.
David Brent: If you want the rainbow you got to take the rain too. You know which "philosopher" said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.
Alan Shore: Ah, Denny, I've hardly seen you this episode.
German Week - S3-E6
Miss Brahms: I think Mr. Rumbold should dress up as something.
Mrs. Slocombe: Yes. Wasn't Frankenstein a German?
Miss Brahms: That's right. With his nuts in his neck. [Makes twisting motions with her fingers near her neck.] Like that.
Mr. Rumbold: I wouldn't be able to take part, of course, in case I was summoned to a board meeting. But I see no reason why Captain Peacock shouldn't participate.
Captain Peacock: I can think of lots of reason why I shouldn't participate. Somebody has to have authority over the floor and these clothes that I wear symbolize that authority.
Mr Lucas: Why don't you dress up as Hitler?
Corporal Randolph Agarn: How do you get to Fort Courage? That's easy. You take a right at the rock that looks like a bear, then a left at the bear that looks like a rock.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Ginger, I've got a problem... I've got a real problem... Now you're a girl, right?
Ginger Grant: Well, if you're not sure about that, you have got a problem.
Robbie Rotten: Have you ever heard the sound of a rubber ball breaking a window?
Trixie: Nuh uh.
Robbie Rotten: Would you like to?
