Bart's Inner Child (series 5)

Troy McClure: Hi! I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'

King of the Hill (series 9)

Homer: If God didn't want us to each in church, he'd have made gluttony a sin.

The Springfield Files (series 8)

Marge: Have you been drinking?

Homer: No! Well, ten beers.

Bart Star (series 9)

Nelson's Father: Great game, son. I'm taking you to Hooters.

Nelson: Aw, I don't want to bother Mom at work.

Homer vs. Dignity (series 12)

Edna: Let's do it on Martin's desk!

Skinner: It is usually the cleanest.

Across whole show

Homer: You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

A Star is Born-Again (series 14)

Ned Flanders: It's so nice to shop for a woman again. The last thing I bought for a woman was a casket.

Across whole show

TV Announcer: Coming up next, Carmen Electra stars in "Boobs", about psychology students and their teacher who wants to be take seriously.

Homer: Aw. I thought it was about her boobs.

Grampa: I already got enough doctors poking at me here and pinching me over here and grabbing me down here and jiggling me under here. And that's just the receptionist!

Homer the Vigilante (series 5)

Homer Simpson: Aw, dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

Across whole show

Homer Simpson: No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

Homer Simpson: Trying is the first step towards failure.

Homer Simpson: Marge, it takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen.

Lisa the Vegetarian (series 7)

Homer: Look, look I got my invitations back from the printers.

Lisa: "Come to Homer's B.B.B.Q. The extra B is for B.Y.O.B.B." What's that extra B for?

Homer: That's a typo.

Across whole show

Homer: Who's going to watch the kids?

Marge: You are!

Homer: Me? But I'm the father!

Springfield Connection (series 6)

Homer: When Marge joined the police academy, I thought it would be fun and exciting, you know, like that movie, "Spaceballs." Instead, it's been dark and depressing, like that movie "Police Academy."

Across whole show

Homer: I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

Lisa the Vegetarian (series 7)

Ralph: Ms. Hoover, my worm went in my mouth and then I ate it. Can I have another one?

Ms. Hoover: No Ralph, there aren't any more. Just put your head down on your desk and sleep while the other children are learning.

Ralph: Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a Viking.

Homer to the Max (series 10)

Marge: I don't want to snuggle with Max Power.

Homer: Max Power doesn't snuggle. You just strap yourself in and feel the Gs!

Homer's Odyssey (series 1)

Homer: Beer! Now there's a temporary solution!