Charley Ford: You think it's all made up don't ya? You think it's all yarns and newspaper stories.
Robert Ford: He's just a human being.
Jerry Sunborne: Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Michael Moore: There are nearly 50 million Americans with no health insurance. They pray every day they don't get sick because 18,000 of them will die this year, simply because they're uninsured. But this movie isn't about them. It's about the 250 million of you who have health insurance. Those of you who are living the American Dream.
Max Keller: WAX lips? I love wax lips! I have to have wax lips.
Melvin B. Tolson: Denigrate. There's a word for you. From the Latin word "niger", to defame, to blacken. It's always there, isn't it? Even in the dictionary. Even in the speech of a Negro professor. Somehow, "black" is always equated with failure.
John: How long you been fucking her?
[Jim looks awkward.]
John: It's a simple question.
[Jim looks down and sees John's wedding ring.]
Jim: How long you been fucking your wife?
John: I don't have one.
Jim: then why are you wearing a ring?
John: It makes people think I'm trustworthy.
Jim: Aren't you?
John: No.
Professor Farnsworth: Time travel is impossible!
Fry: But Professor, you time traveled yourself. Remember? When we went back to Roswell?
Professor Farnsworth: That proves nothing! And furthermore, you'd think I could remember a thing like that! Plus, who are you anyway?
Alvin: I feel like P. Diddy with fur.
L. C. Cheever: You got it backwards kid. You play cards the way you should lead your life. And you lead your life the way you should play cards.
Abasi Fawal: We have a saying, "Beat your woman every morning. If you don't know why, she does."
Bishop: I choose to experience everything the world has to offer, in exchange for a few meaningless lives.
Dr. Jack Harper: He really did love you, Sam.
Sam Lockwood: He didn't even know me.
Mackenzie Carpenter: Lenny couldn't find his ass with both hands.
Mark David Chapman: I knew I was gonna do something big, I just didn't know if it was good or bad.
Nazneen Ahmed: We must not run from our fate. What cannot be changed must be borne. The test of life is to endure.
Senator Jasper Irving: Through precise military action, we will take the essential first step.
Janine Roth: First step? But what have we been doing for the past six years, Senator? World War II took less than five.
Mindy: So... The Master, where are you from?
The Master: Hell.
Mindy: Oh! Well what brought you to L.A. a job?
Chief Buchwald: But didn't you just say that you would do whatever you were told?
Det. Emily Sanders: Yeah, I sometimes exaggerate for effect.
Marjane as a teenager: Grandma, how come your breasts are still so nice and round at your age?
Marjane's grandmother: Because every day I put them in a bowl of ice-cold water for ten minutes.
Marjane as a teenager: I'll miss you.