Valiant: It's not the size of your wingspan that counts, no, it's the size of your spirit.
Bree Osbourne: My body may be a work-in-progress, but there is nothing wrong with my soul.
T.J. Hicks: Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles?
Deuce Bigalow: Really?
T.J. Hicks: Before that you could get chicken or waffles, but they were the first to put them together! Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that.
Deuce Bigalow: You know the Dutch started the slave trade.
T.J. Hicks: Those mother fuckers.
Mayor Buckman: Got any last requests, boy?
Malcolm: Yeah. Kiss my black ass.
Maitre D': Whats wrong with him?
Elizabeth Masterson: It's a tension pneumothorax.
David Abbott: I think it's a tension nemothax, sir.
Elizabeth Masterson: Pneumothorax.
David Abbott: Nuemathax, sir.
Elizabeth Masterson: Pneumothorax.
David Abbott: Numathurman.
Elizabeth Masterson: Never mind.
David Abbott: Never mind.
Pickle Factory boss: Writer huh? Are you sure?
Henry Chinaski: No, I'm not. I'm halfway through a novel.
Pickle Factory boss: What's it about?
Henry Chinaski: Everything.
Pickle Factory boss: It's about... cancer?
Henry Chinaski: Yes.
Pickle Factory boss: How about my wife?
Henry Chinaski: She's in there too.
Tom Baker: What do you do for a living Eliot?
Eliot: Well... I'm in 8th grade.
Red: What big ears you have.
The Wolf: All the better to hear your many criticisms.
Chanel: I know Botox Barbie didn't just call me ignorant.
Reggie: I see buckets of dead relatives! Extra crispy! Extra crispy.
Hadley Wolfmeyer: What kind of a dickhead runs away with his secretary? That is lame, take a right, make a left at pathetic.
Emily Barnes: If there's anything that I know, it's that love is infinite. You can always make more when you need it. And just because you wanna give some to somebody else, doesn't mean that you'll take any away from me.
Fender : Welcome to Robot City. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. And if you can't make it there, welcome to the club.
Hooker (Janet Moran): Oi. You doing business, do it somewhere else, love. This pavement's got my name on it.
Patrick "Kitten" Braden: And what, pray, is your name? Concrete?
Hooker (Janet Moran): My name is scratch your eyes out, and bite your bleed'n nose off. Which is what I'll do if you don't get off my patch.
Mr. Silky String: She giving you trouble, sir?
Patrick "Kitten" Braden: Oh, no trouble at all. We were just exchanging names.
Mr. Marks: Do I smell the revolting stench of self-esteem?
Matt Stifler: Bite my nuts and call me Skippy.
Alex: You make sex often with American girl?
Jonathan: Not really.
Alex: What is mean by "not really?"
Jonathan: I'm not a priest, but I'm not John Holmes either.
Alex: I have heard of this John Holmes. He has premium penis.
Jonathan: Yes, he did.
Alex: Everyne in Ukraine has penis like that.
Jonathan: Even the women?
Alex: You make joke, yes?
Jonathan: Yes.
Alex: I know a lot about science too. Like I know how people make poopies.
Steve Coogan: Womb with a view.