Jerry O'Neill: It's got nothing to do with me.
Jerry O'Neill: It all depends on the woman and how willing she is to discover her infinite supply of orgasms.
Indian Bartender: May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.
Kathryn: Two's company. Three's a fuck load of fun.
Regis Philbin: So, I was driving to work today. Some bozo in a Cadillac cuts me off. So, I followed him. When he got out of his car, I run up behind this guy and I start bashing his brains in with this bat! Did you ever see The Untouchables? I was DeNiro.
Fred Flintstone: Hey, was that an insult?
Gazoo: Well, if the shoe fits.
Barney Rubble: What's a shoe?
Gazoo: Than I guess it was an insult.
Grandma Klump: Now that's what I call the Muy Caliente El Negro Special.
Cliff Buxton: Do you know what I thought when this first came up?
Glenn Latham: What, your pipe?
Cliff Buxton: No. The moon mission.
Glenn Latham: You beauty?
Cliff Buxton: I thought, imagine stuffing that up. Isn't that odd?
Glenn Latham: What?
Cliff Buxton: Well, that I was more scared than excited.
Glenn Latham: I don't think that's odd. I feel like that all the time.
Dex: Y'know, no-one ever says, "Hey, God, how was your day? What can I do for you, God?" Or, "Hey, God, did you catch Letterman last night?"
Syd: Oh, and I suppose you talk to God like that?
Dex: Always. All the time.
Syd: And what does God say?
Dex: He says, "You know what? I saw Letterman and it sucked."
Tony: Bed for the undead?
Memphis: The ladies are dirty. Walk away. The ladies are dirty.
Joe: Once, there was only silence, and not a speck of hope in sight. And every tiny bubble burst on its journey towards the light. But the spark of creation will flicker again, it's a brand new era... about to begin.
Bob Rueland: I miss Elizabeth. I'll always miss her. But I ache for Grace.
Janni Gogolack: You know I have this same car?
Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky: Really?
Janni Gogolack: No.
Football Announcer: Our next defeat is scheduled for next Friday, 8 o'clock.
Cruella de Vil: Just a teensy, weensy heckle? You know - murderer.
Tommy Pickles: I believe in the playground. It is my favoritest place. But two yesterdays ago two boys came and buried my brother's binky. Then he started to cry.
Dil Pickles: Binky.
Angelica: You have come to me on the day of this wedding for me to take care of two boys?
Tommy Pickles: No, just a new binky.
Renato Amoroso: Signora Malena, a more capable person than me... wrote that the only true love is unrequited love. Now I understand why. It's been so long since you last came out of your house. But the longer we are apart, the stronger my love becomes.
Mrs. Tingle: Who can tell me if Frankenstein was circumcised?
Marshal Nathan Van Cleef: Mighty impressive hardware you packin' there.
Roy O'Bannon: Why don't you get your eyes of my package, you twisted son of a bitch.