Surfing Instructor: If you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you?

Peter Bretter: ...yeah, probably

Surfing Instructor: I like her red hair. I wonder if the carpet matches the pubes.

Dwayne the Bartender: He turned down a blow job from his ex-girlfriend. You know what that does to a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better - he likes puppets!

Surfing Instructor: When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail.

Brian: You don't need to put your P in a V right now.

Peter Bretter: No, I need to B my L on someone's T's.