Officer Sam 'Mad Dog' Shaw: Where you guys from, Texas?
Pepper: Texas? Ain't no real cowboys from Texas, we're from New Mexico.
Maverick: My old pappy always used to say, "there is no more deeply satisfying religious experience... than cheatin' on a cheater."
Zane Cooper: I never said that once. You've been misquoting me all your life.
Maverick: What, we're going to quibble over fine points?
Zane Cooper: You never even get close. Give me some credit.
Serge: Now, one thing's very important. At the survival boutiqua, I feel that it's my personality, that's it's my philosophy that everything must conform to the three P's, OK? Which is, protection. Prestige. And pretty. I mean, why should you look ugly if you're just trying to survive?
Alex Law: Look over there! It's Cameron.
Juliet Miller: Who?
Alex Law: Cameron. You remember Cameron.
Juliet Miller: No, I don't.
Alex Law: What's he doing here?
Juliet Miller: That's not him.
Alex Law: It is. Cameron! Cameron! Come on over here! Come on.
Cameron: What?
Alex Law: Nothing. We thought you were someone else. Good luck. (Cameron leaves.) I love that guy, but why does he have to follow us around?
Cliff Spab: I'd like to live forever... but only for a little while.
Michael McDougal: This is great! This is great! It writes like butter. I mean, there is actual butter coming out of my pen.
Fred Flintstone: I'm only one man.
Barney Rubble: Not from the back.
Shaddus Peyser: What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
Clifford: You wouldn't lie to me, would you Uncle Martin? 'Cause if you did I'd be so angry I don't know what I'd do.
Helen Sinclair: Two martinis please, very dry.
David Shayne: How'd you know what I drank?
Helen Sinclair: Oh, you want one too? Three.
Margaret Sullivan: Isn't that wonderful? Your Grandfather gave you the twins.
Billy Heywood: I would rather have my Grandfather.
Bones: I've seen lots of camel toes before, but never on a camel.
Tania: He says they're not sleeping together. She only sucks him off.
Cheryl: Why?
Tania: Out of respect for me.
Nicole: Bitch.
Don Juan: There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.
Peter: This guy, by the way, could be the biggest loser who ever walked the face of the earth. He could be a grump, a jerk, a pervert, a cynic, a man who's mind is infested with dark thoughts, he could be a criminal... he could be... truly sick.
Dennis Van Welker: You know, back in the '60s when we said we wanted to change society, maybe we should've been more specific.
Uncle Joe: Would you mind going to the market, we're out of Oreos.
Molly: Well, we wouldn't be out of Oreos, would we, if someone hadn't sucked out all of the insides and tossed the rest away, you naughty boy.
Uncle Joe: I'm old and I'm rich. I can eat whatever parts I want. If I want to eat the goddamn box, I'll eat the goddamn box.