Cole: Phoebe, I love you. I don't know what's going on but maybe I can help. Would you like me to kill someone for you?
Doug Heffernan: Hey, Deac, let me ask you, do you think Carrie's gained weight?
Deacon Palmer: Say what?
Doug Heffernan: Carrie, my wife, do you think she's gained a little weight, a couple pounds, maybe?
Deacon Palmer: I don't know. Every time I see her she's blocked by you.
Mary Carroll: Look at Anthony's hair. He looks like a little choir boy.
Jim Royle: He looks like a little gay boy.
Kitty Forman: Oh good God, you kids switch partners more than square dancers!
Grace: My love for you is like this scar. Ugly, but permanent.
Mai Valentine: Hey! Cross on the green, not in between.
Duke Devlin, Raphael, Valon: Sorry, but we're being chased by a bunch of robed weirdos.
Jen: Cute.
Jack: Gay.
Jen: Aren't they all?
The Devil: You don't have any friends, Ezekial. You're not only really dead, you're really most sincerely dead.
Ezekiel Stone: Isn't that from "The Wizard of Oz"?
The Devil: I hate that movie.
Cassandra: I'm not your sassy Cassie! I'm not your Cassie lassie! I'm not your anything and anything that stupidly rhymes with the first thing!
Sharon Carter: Actually, we're engaged "in theory."
Pete: Oh, that's great, congratulations. I'd explain it to Collette if I spoke French, and understood what you were talking about.
Sharon Carter: Why is everyone having such a tough time with this? It's very simple - an engagement is a promise to be married. And I am promising to be engaged, which in theory is a promise to be married, hence we are engaged in theory.
Johnny Donnelly: Good luck finding a card for that.
The Silver Surfer: To me, my board.
Andros: Let's Rocket.
Ezra: You're sneaky, I'll give you that, but you're? you're? help me out here, Buck.
Buck: You are crookeder than a yellow-bellied snake makin' its way through a prickly pear patch.
Ezra: Thank you.
Mojo Jojo: I wasn't born a super villain chimp with an oversized brain you know. Evil geniuses are made not born.