Best TV quotes of 1995

Father Ted: Ah, Sister Assumpta.
Sister Assumpta: Hello Father.
Father Ted: Dougal, Dougal, do you remember Sister Assumpta?
Father Dougal: Er, no.
Father Ted: She was here last year. And then we stayed with her in the convent, back in Kildare. Do you remember it? Ah, you do. And then you were hit by the car when you went down to the shops for the paper. You must remember all that? And then you won a hundred pounds with your lottery card? Ah, you must remember it, Dougal.
[Dougal shakes his head.]
Sister Assumpta: And weren't you accidentally arrested for shoplifting? I remember we had to go down to the police station to get you. And the police station went on fire? And you had to be rescued by helicopter?
Father Ted: Do you remember? You can't remember any of that? The helicopter. When you fell out of the helicopter. Over the zoo. Do you remember the tigers?
[Dougal shakes his head some more.]
Father Ted: You don't remember? You were wearing your blue jumper.
Father Dougal: Ah, Sister Assumpta.

Mr. Bennet: For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?

Season 1 generally

Inspector Grim: It's my arse on the line and I don't want a cock-up!

Hercules: What are you doing here?
Iolaus: What do you mean?
Hercules: Iolaus, you're dead.
Iolaus: Yeah, well, I was kinda hoping you wouldn't notice.

11:59 - S5-E23

Shannon O'Donnel: 5:00am, December 27th, 2000. I'm in the great state of...Indiana, I think. I saw the world's largest ball of string this morning and the world's largest beefsteak tomato this afternoon. It was the size of a Volkswagen. The string, not the tomato.

Bishop73

No, This Is Not Based Entirely on Julie's Life - S2-E1

[Lisa walks into Dave's office].
Lisa: Have you ever taken naked pictures of yourself?
Dave: Mom, I am going to have to call you back.

Bowling255 ★

Stacey: Can you make me one of those coffees?
Bella Manning: Would that be with or without arsenic?
Stacey: Oh, I don't mind as long as it's frothy.

Sub-Zero: Nothing breaks harder than ice.

Jimmy Wyler: Do you believe in redemption, Mr. White?
White: As long as it doesn't require funeral arrangements.

Thomas Veil: Soon, all my memories will be gone. Without ceasing to breathe, I will cease to exist.

Quinn Michael Mallory: We have a plan. We just don't know what it is yet.

Werewolf Skin (2) - S3-E14

Hannah: Hey, Alex. What's the matter? I told you I don't bite.

Skeleton Crew - S1-E22

Admiral Chegwidden: Nobody pulls a JAG officer off an investigation except me or God, and He hasn't asked.

Richard: Mother, buy a gun it will be faster.
Caroline: But not nearly as much fun.

Kate O'Brien: Oswald, how do I look?
Oswald Lee Harvey: On the Oswald Harvey scale... I'd give you a six.
Kate O'Brien: Oswald.
Drew Carey: Don't worry Kate, it only goes up to six.
Kate O'Brien: Oh.
Oswald Lee Harvey: It starts at three.